This spell costs more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

This creature enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to this creature, remove an arm or a leg from it.
This creature can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Counter target spell.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Flying
When this creature enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

: Exile this artifact and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the mana value of the exiled creature.

Whenever this creature blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)
Whenever an opponent reads this creature, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

This creature enters with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.
This creature gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or this creature this turn.

This creature gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

As this creature enters, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching this creature, sacrifice this creature.

All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

, Sacrifice this artifact: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

When this artifact enters, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw this card. When that player draws this card, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay isthay eaturecray.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

You gain life equal to your age.

Trample
When this creature enters, destroy all artifacts.
Tap two untapped Apes you control: Create a 1/1 green Ape creature token.

: This creature gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.
: This creature becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.
: This creature becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.
: This creature's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.
: This creature's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.
: This creature gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.
: Untap this creature.

Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay , reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

: Add {∞}.
: Add one mana of any color.

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.