When The Bus Runner enters, create a 4/4 Desert Vehicle artifact land token with crew 2. Put eight hour counters on it. It has ": Add " and "Whenever this token or a Gamer you control becomes tapped, remove an hour counter from this token. Then if it has no hour counters on it, each opponent loses 1 life, you gain 1 life, and put eight hour counters on this token."
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

Trample
The Judge of Height gets +1/+0 for each creature on the battlefield that it's taller than. (A creature's height is equal to its toughness plus its mana value.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• Wake Up! — Return target creature card from a graveyard to its owner's hand.
• VIP Line Access — Search your library for a card, then shuffle and put that card on top.
• Life of the Party — Whenever a spell is cast this turn, you gain 2 life.
• Breakfast at Dawn — Create two Food tokens. Sacrifice this enchantment.

During deck construction, name a Nephilim card originally printed in Guildpact. Awoken Nephilim has that card's color identity and is a copy of that card in all zones except it's also Legendary.

Ew-minance — When The Gunky Runner enters and at the beginning of the first upkeep in a game where it's your commander, shuffle three Gunk cards into each opponent's library. (Gunk is a colorless sorcery card with no mana cost and cycling .)
Whenever an opponent loses life, they shuffle that many Gunk cards into their library.
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

Hexproof from red
: Add .
, : Create two Food tokens named Hot Dog.
Whenever you sacrifice a Hot Dog, create a Treasure token.
Food Crew 2 (Tap two Foods you control: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)

Treat your effects that scale off of "players" or "opponents" as though there were one more. (For example, with myriad you'd make an additional token that's just attacking nobody, and with Braids, Arisen Nightmare, you'd draw an additional card.)

Trample
When you cast this spell, choose a playtest card you own from outside the game. Exile it. You may cast that card as long as it remains exiled. Mana of any type can be spent to cast that spell. (In a sealed event, outside the game is your sideboard.)

: Add one mana of any color. You get two poison counters.

The Chaos Keeper enters with a sealed Magic booster pack of your choice under it. (You provide a new pack each time.)
Whenever The Chaos Keeper deals combat damage to a player, reveal its cards and put one of them into your hand. (Don't open the booster pack until the first time this ability reolves.)

If it's neither day nor night, it becomes day as The Weekly Princess enters. (It becomes night next turn if a player casts no spells on their turn, and day if a player casts 2+ spells on their turn.)
Whenever night becomes day, put a +1/+1 counter on The Weekly Princess. Then if she has seven or more +1/+1 counters on her, she deals damage equal to her power to each opponent.
When The Weekly Princess leaves the battlefield, it stops being day or night. (Stop tracking it. Trust us, it's better this way.)

At the beginning of your end step, if your life total is on the lazy caterer's sequence, create a Food token. If it's a Fibonacci number, create a 0/0 green and blue Fractal creature token, then put a +1/+1 counter on each Fractal you control. If it's a square number, put three +1/+1 counters on each creature you control whose power and toughness are equal. (You'll want to look these up.)

: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity. If you control a Command Tower and a Command Power Plant, add two mana of any color in your commander's color identity instead.

When you encounter this phenomenon, open a Magic: The Gathering booster pack and shuffle it without looking at its contents. Those cards become the booster deck. You become the monarch. For the rest of the game, at the beginning of the monarch's end step, that player draws a card from the booster deck. They may spend mana of any type to cast those cards.

Whenever you attack, create a Pin token attached to target attacking creature you control. It's an enchantment Pin Aura with "Enchanted creature gets +1/+1."
Whenever chaos ensues, each opponent loses X life, where X is the total number of pins attached to you and creatures you control. (This includes pins on your backpack.)

When you planeswalk here and at the beginning of your upkeep, fold this plane in half. Draw cards equal to the number of times it's been folded. If you can't fold it, planeswalk.
Chaos: Completely unfold this plane. Each opponent discards two cards.

Spells you cast that would counter a spell cost less to cast.
Whenever a spell an opponent controls is countered by a spell or ability you control, draw a card. The Countering Runner deals 2 psychic damage to that player. (Psychic damage doesn't cause loss of life, but a player who's been dealt 20 psychic damage loses the game.)
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

As long as you aren't playing with sleeves, Fear of Unsleeved Decks gets +1/+1 and has trample. (No, you can't start with sleeves and then remove them.)

Add .
If this card is signed by someone who has ever designed a Magic card, treat all black mana symbols on this card as red mana symbols. (To be respectful of the color pie.)

: Target opponent gains control of Mindslaver Toolkit.
, : Choose any number —
• You lose X life.
• You discard X cards.
• You sacrifice X permanents.

Nonbasic lands are Wastes.
Whenever you tap a permanent for , add an additional .
Whenever chaos ensues, choose one —
• Draw four cards.
• Destroy target permanent.
• You may return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

Flying
Mentor (Whenever this creature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on target attacking creature with lesser power.)
Whenever one or more +1/+1 counters are put on a creature you control, exile the top card of your library. Until end of turn, you may play that card.

This creature enters with two cage counters on it.
This creature can't attack or block as long as it has a cage counter on it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a cage counter from this creature. When the last cage counter is removed this way, destroy target creature an opponent controls.

You may spend any type of mana to cast cards that didn't start in your deck.
Whenever The Wheeling Runner deals combat damage to a player, you may discard your hand. If you do, choose four Vintage-legal cards at random. Add those cards to your hand. (The "Random Card" feature on a search site may help.)
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

Cards in each player's hand have cycling .
Chaos: Until end of turn, creatures you control have "This creature gets +1/+1 for each card you've discarded this turn."

When you planeswalk here, at the beginning of your upkeep, or whenever chaos ensues, put a flying counter on target creature you control without flying.
When you planeswalk away, exile all creatures with flying until the beginning of the next end step.

Exile target creature or Vehicle. At the beginning of the next end step, return that card to the battlefield under its owner's control. Then you may share a story or fun fact about that card. If you do, you gain 3 life.

Islandwalk, swampwalk (This creature can't be blocked if defending player controls an Island or a Swamp)
Whenever The Milling Runner deals combat damage to a player, target player mills three cards.
Ready to run (You can have two commanders if both have ready to run.)

When you encounter this, Each player opens a Magic the Gathering booster pack. They may select up to two cards from that pack and exile them face down. For the rest of the game, players may look at and play cards exiled this way without paying their mana costs. (Then Planeswalk away from this phenomenon.)

(: Add .)
The Belligerent and Useless Island enter the battlefield tapped.
When The Belligerent and Useless Island deal combat damage to a player or battle, draw a card, then discard a card.
Crew 2

While it's October 25th, 2024, whenever you cast your commander, create a token that's a copy of it except it isn't legendary.
While it's October 26th or 27th, 2024, if one or more tokens would be created under your control, instead twice that many tokens are created and each of them enters with a +1/+1 counter on it.
On any other date, both abilities apply. (Because why not?)

You may have The Cosplayzer enter as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, except it has "The first time each turn an ability of this creature is activated or triggered, copy it. You may choose new targets for the copy" and the first letter of its name is Z. (This is both stylish AND makes it a different name for the legend rule!)

When you encounter this, draw a card for each pin you are wearing and each Pin token attached to creatures you control. (This includes pins on your backpack.) (Then planeswalk away from this phenomenon.)

Suspend 2— (Deep Dish Pizza has no mana cost and must be suspended.)
, Sacrifice Deep Dish Pizza: Gain 3 life, draw three cards, and Deep Dish Pizza deals 3 damage to each opponent.

At Least It's a Dry Heat deals 1,000,000 damage to target creature. This damage can't be prevented, redirected, cause damage to be dealt to a player (sorry, Stuffy Doll), or be compared to damage dealt by sources on the east coast.

At the beginning of your first main phase, read aloud the name, mana cost, type line, power, and toughness of a card in your hand, except lie about one of them. Each opponent simultaneously guesses which one is incorrect. Then reveal the card. Each opponent who guessed incorrectly loses 3 life. You may discard that card and draw a card. (They can't look it up or ask for help as this ability is resolving. Nice try, though.)